Monday, September 20, 2010
I recently purchased an audio book version of Woman, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I recognized this book from hearing about it during Oprah's book club, and thought that I would give it a listen to see exactly where she was going with this whole thing. Considering that I totally love cooking and food, sometimes I hate it just as much, I thought it might be worthwhile. So, I plugged in and listened to about half of the book before I got off track with it. But I did learn some things from the first half.
1. I am (and you are too!) much more than a number on a scale.
Since I decided to get really serious about losing weight in 2008, I have been obsessed with my weight. There have been plenty of days when I weighed myself three or four times a day, sometimes more, and used that as a determinate on what I ate and how I felt. If the number was high, I didn't eat much to make it lower and I felt bad. If the number was low, I monitored my eating and if it went up later then I felt bad. Then if i ate something anyway I just felt bad. (Notice a pattern here?) I would wake up in the morning, look at the number on the scale and decide if I deserved to eat that day. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it is crazy. I was directly equating numbers with other information like whether or not I am a good person, as though if I wasn't completely focused on losing the weight then I wasn't worth my weight in beans. I was so scared of gaining the weight back that I couldn't see what was happening. The reality of the situation is that how much I weigh (or don't weigh) doesn't make me any nicer, or more giving, or a better wife, mother, sister or friend. So I took a step off the scale, and promised myself not to weigh myself more than a few days a week. So far it's working :) Some days I even forget about the scale, as I trip over it on my way to the bathroom. And that feels good.....like, crazy good, to not wake up fearing *cue the horror music* THE NUMBERS!. Everyone deserves to eat. That includes you and I, as well as other humans, plants and animals on every square inch of God's green Earth. So for myself and for you all out there, I say WE ARE MUCH MORE THAN NUMBERS ON A SCALE. I only very recently discovered that pounds are not a measure of what I mean to myself or the rest of the world, so I'm going with that right now. Will you come too?
Check back for #2. Food is not THE issue, but it's totally AN issue.